Protector
by Im-a-tiger
Summary: Hijikata regrets turning Souji into a demon. HijikataxSouji


Hello! I fell right in love with the HijikataxSouji as soon as I began watching Peacemaker... so I had to write a fic about them.

Enjoy!

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Hijikata cringed when his fingers snagged on a lump of dry blood as he ran them through Souji's hair. The painful tightening of his stomach that accompanied this find was no new feeling when it came to the other man. He had always known it was his fault that Souji had turned out the way he did, a ruthless killer, deadly the moment he held a katana in his hand.

He had been the one to allow the boy entrance into the Shinsengumi at the age of nine, sealing his fate with a cold, disinterested nod of his head. He had seen determination in the boy's eyes and agreed that he would make a valuable asset. He had barely spared the child a second glance.

He wasn't supposed to care about his subordinates; they were all just tools to make the Shinsengumi stronger. Taking life didn't bother him – he did what he needed for the group. Thus, his reputation was well known even past the four corners of Japan – Toshizou Hijikata a demon void of both a soul and emotion. He wasn't really sure how Souji had become so much more than an expendable underling.

Maybe it was that initial determination that drew him in or the fire burning in those bright, clear eyes. It may have been the ease with which Souji picked up fighting technique and strategy, learning combat as easily as a toddler learns to walk and talk. He progressed so quickly that by the time he was thirteen, few could stand against him and of those, only a handful could win.

Souji took a liking to him early, following him around like a puppy, pestering him to buy sweets. He was small and delicate, with a sunny disposition and wide, innocent eyes. Hijikata found he wanted to protect that innocence. But that was impossible. They both knew that by joining the Shinsengumi he would eventually have to give up his humanity.

There was no escape; Souji was a man of honour and even if Hijikata could have convinced him that fleeing was best, desertion was punishable by Seppuku. The only thing worse than seeing Souji's robes stained with someone else's blood would be to see him drenched in his own. He had to protect him, to prevent him from killing for as long as possible.

He had failed at that too. Souji was barely fifteen when he was forced to take another man's life.

They had been caught off guard while they were on patrol, a group of men ambushing them in a deserted alley. Souji had acted purely on instinct when three of them had Hijikata cornered. His katana flew from its sheath, cutting as cleanly and gracefully through flesh as if it were air. All three were at his feet before either could register what had happened. He couldn't help but notice the wild look on Souji's face as he struck, lost in the moment. Terrified, those left alive ran. He was just catching his breath when he noticed Souji staring at him, crimson contrasting ominously against his pale skin.

There was a dull clang as Souji's katana fell to the ground, blood dripping from the blade and pooling onto the dirty stones. Souji stalked over to him, eyes still alight with that terrible bloodlust. He didn't stop until his slim frame was pressed against Hijikata's, his warm breath gusting briefly against his commander's lips before he locked their mouths together.

The kiss was harsh, needy, and all Hijikata could do to comfort him was draw the boy closer. He could taste blood, feel it sticky against his cheek in the wake of Souji's fingers. It was strange, shocking, holding Souji like that for the first time. He could feel him shaking, realization of what he had done finally sinking in. His humanity was crumbling around him like the dried blood on his hands.

The Shinsengumi was changing him; after every murder he committed, Hijikata would hold him as he shook. The tremors would subside more quickly each time as he lost the ability to care.

A quiet giggle beside him pulled Hijikata's attention from his thoughts.

"You look funny staring at the wall. It's almost like you're trying to think."

Hijikata mumbled something about annoying immaturity and turned to face the wall, that cheerful voice ringing in his head. He closed his eyes and was again consumed by the past.

"Oooh! Can I have some of these as well?" Souji smiled brightly up at him, pointing at the colourful sweets arranged outside the market stall. He sounded every bit the petulant child he should have been and Hijikata didn't have the will to refuse him, not for this, or anything else. The smile brightened further and Souji grabbed his sleeve, dragging him to the next stall.

It made him feel so much worse that Souji always seemed so carefree, that he was constantly trying to recapture childhood. He had been moulded into something he'd realised too late that he didn't want to be. Now that was who he was. Hijikata couldn't fix him. He was broken too. They were both demons.

There was a slight tug at his hair and he reached back, groaning when he felt that it had been drawn into a messy plait. Another giggle.

"You should go back to your own room," he whispered in a monotone, turning around.

"But I'm comfortable here," he whined, snuggling closer to Hijikata's chest. The older man made a disgruntled noise then draped a reluctant arm around Souji's waist. There was a soft, contented sigh followed by a long silence. When he was sure Souji was asleep he tightened his grip, as though to make sure he wouldn't disappear.

"I'm sorry."


End file.
